5 min read

Enjoying the ride?

I’m not sure if this is normal, but every now and then, maybe whilst driving or embarking on something risky, I think about death. My own death that is. I play out a catastrophe, which can get quite carried away, leaving me wondering how I would feel about dying in that very moment. And besides the heartache of leaving my family and friends, I would actually feel very content with what my life’s journey has been, what I have achieved and the paths I have taken. Of course, there are “shoulda, coulda, woulda” moments, and much unfinished business, but generally I have enjoyed, and continue to enjoy, this stressful, exciting and completely and utterly unpredictable chaotic life.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wake up everyday joyfully singing to the birds in the trees, whilst skipping merrily on the school run, with ironed clothes and perfectly preened hair. God no. I usually wake to a barrage of emails from clients, QuickBooks yelling that the VAT is due, my kids rolling their skirts up 600 times, emulating Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and no tea bags. My life, and probably yours, is fraught, messy, unforgiving and exhausting, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. (I might change it for a lottery win, just caveating that.)

When you are in the thick of a project, be it a small brand film or an all consuming epic short film, the journey can seem really difficult. Once the decision to make a project is green lit, the excitement and enthusiasm soon ebbs away and is replaced with the hard graft of getting said project to screen, whilst also meeting (and ideally exceeding) expectations. Often, from the very first steps of the journey, along the base of the mountain, it can feel like an instant uphill struggle. New working relationships and personalities are tested, and this is just to get the creative signed off - you’ve not even stopped for your first cup of tea. I struggle with this first bit as the not-so-creative arm of SubMotion. Richard is definitely the creative lead on all our projects, and he thrives in this area and consistently delivers. However, I have to relinquish control here and take my place at the back of the hike. I am not keen on walking at the back, because; a) I am a control freak and b) I find creatives (please note I am making a very sweeping generalisation based solely on all the creatives I have ever worked with) don’t really work within deadlines and schedules. They just soulfully wonder off the track, through the fields of imagination and ideas, sipping coffee, sleeping, vaping/smoking and all under the guise of creativity. Don’t let their physical appearance of presence fool you. They are not present. They are building worlds, creating characters and playing out numerous stories, all behind that face that is not seeing or hearing your prompts of “Are we nearly there with the creative?” But they are on their own journey, one that cannot be rushed, and as much as us organising, paper pushing and spreadsheet filling people hate to admit it, this is by far the most import leg of the journey.

Still. Hurry the hell up. Please and thank you.

I sometimes look back at the production element of our past projects. And like child birth, the memories are stored within a beautiful rose tinted filter. There is immense pride in what was achieved, how we pulled together, problem solved things that felt impossible at the time and yet, we made it through. Because you do, always, make it through. And it is worth remembering this when you are fire fighting with the current difficult project, or navigating a path that seems shrouded in dead ends. Enjoying the journey in these moments is the hardest, but it’s not impossible. If the journey was dull and straight, there would be no sense of accomplishment or achievement at the end of it, plus you won’t have learnt anything and the end result would be as mediocre as the journey itself. It’s the paths that give you real hell, causing blisters in unimaginable places and offering only the stars for navigation, which end up leading you to the epic viewing point. Resulting in you arm in arm with your client, battered, bruised and glowing ear to ear. God willing.

Some moments of being tested! 1: 3 am on BBC Broadcasting House capturing the 2019 GE. 2: The end of the Maximus shoot. Which was intense! 3: Pushing a broken down Sylvia onto the low loader. 4: Praying the tech would just work! 5: Another breakdown! 6: The sunrise after an all nighter - a work one, not a fun one!

I had (who am I kidding, I HAVE) a lot of guilt around the profession we have chosen and the subsequent life which is imposed on our children. They have been dragged into so many productions over the years, the first being Sylvia. Our first short film, on a shoe string budget, and our children aged 2.5 and 5 years were roped in as lead cast. A serious baptism of fire - and not just for them! Neither had ever acted, or been on a film set before, and neither had any idea how important the project was to us. But they came, chaperoned by an equally roped in Grandma, and they never complained or refused. We kept them up too late, supplied them with too much sugar and plonked them into a group of people they’d never met. When we talk about Sylvia now, they reminisce about it with the same fondness and joy of a past birthday party. And that group of people we plonked them with, are now life long friends of ours and our children. What a journey to have taken as a family.

I can say that now. But only with that lovely rose tinted filter.

We were asked by Nicolas Mason, founder of Manhattan Short Film Festival to do an introduction to Sylvia.

The girls did a great job, and we went on to win the Gold Award, qualifying Sylvia for the Oscars.

Our journey now is heading towards our first feature film, then our second, then third, then who knows! We may win an Oscar or a BAFTA. We may produce an advert that adorns the front page of Campaign. But we also, may not. So in the meantime we will enjoy the path of trying. Because if we don’t reach the top, or we die trying, I want to have swum in the crisp cold waterfalls, eaten wild strawberries, had at least 3 wild wee’s and talked to every cow and goat along the way.

Some moments of enjoying the journey!